A Few Things I’ve learned From My Dogs

About Naps

  • They’re not optional.
  • There is no such thing as a bad time or bad place to take one.
  • When napping on top of the covers, arrangement is paramount.
  • When napping under the covers, an air hole is handy.
  • Sharing covers with others while napping is overrated and unnecessary.
  • If there is a lump under the covers, then on top of it is a perfect place to lie.
  • They don’t get longer because you need more sleep as you get older, they get longer because you need more time to stretch after.
  • Curled up in the sun is the best place for a morning nap and in the middle of the bed the afternoon.
  • They’re great way to pass the time while waiting for loved ones to come home.
  • Dream chasing done when napping is a good reason for taking another.

About Food

  • There is no three second rule.
  • If it looks edible it is.
  • Everything goes better with bacon.
  • Chewing is overrated.
  • Everything is an appetizer for something else.
  • The louder the crunch the better it must be.
  • Drool when placing your order and belch when leaving a tip.
  • A great way to finish off a good meal is with a good nap.

About Hygiene

  • Not everyone appreciates my taste in cologne.
  • Carpets are absorbent for a reason.
  • The best time to play in the mud is after a bath.
  • Why worry about bad hair days when you are continuously losing your hair anyway?
  • Blaming my gas on someone else is bad karma.
  • Grooming yourself in public is okay as long as you do it with style.
  • To lift the lid if I don’t want to get hit with a rolled up newspaper.

** Authors Note:

I do not under any circumstance advocate the use of swats with rolled up newspaper as a method for wives to deal with their husband’s lid lifting behavior. If your husband seems to be particularly hard to housetrain, please consult a qualified behaviorist.

Cheers,

Kevin

 

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