Dogstradamus

If you’re reading this today congratulations, you’ve survived the latest apocalyptic scare. Although I generally don’t put much stock in the predictions of 89 year old radio evangelists, I was a bit scared when Facebook took an extra few seconds to load around six. I mean surely social media would be the first to suffer God’s wrath, or would God use Facebook to poke us and let us know that it’s time?

There’s not much respite for us either. Next year the Mayan calendar runs out of days and we will again have some tense moments while we wait for angels to tweet our demise. Personally I don’t really believe all these dire predictions; I figure my dogs will let me know when our time is coming to an end.

I think that’s our best bet really. I mean dogs are used to detect everything from termites to tumors, why not rely on them to detect an apocalypse? In fact don’t really think would we have train them. We just need to bring the same observational skills to bear on them that they do on us. The following list should be helpful in this matter.

Signs your Dog is preparing for an Apocalypse

  • Your dog starts responding to your commands instantly and seems happy to do so.
  • Your dog gives you the best spot on the bed.
  • Instead of eating table scraps, your dog is vacuum packing and freezing them.
  • Instead of bones your dog is burying bacon (the maple kind, yeah, yeah).
  • Your dog stops at a fresh pile of cow manure and offers to let you roll in it first.
  • You leave a new pair of tennis shoes on the floor overnight and wake to find them untouched.
  • Your dog is allowing you that extra 15 minutes of sleep in the morning.
  • Dogs are allowing cats to one up them (for now).
  • Dogs and mailmen start getting along famously.
  • You see you dog sitting in the backyard talking with a squirrel and both of them are pointing at you.

I’m still somewhat shaken up at our narrow escape (that and I’ve only had one cup of coffee this morning) so I am sure this list is incomplete. If you know of a sign that should be included on this list please let us know. You’ll be doing your fellow humans a huge favor.

Thanks and welcome back from the brink.

Kevin

P.S.

These are all purpose signs and can be applied to zombie and religious apocalypse alike.