I’m turning into my Dog

I don’t know if it’s that I’ll turn 50 next year, or the fact that I’ve spent more than 40 of those years with dogs, but I think I’m starting to grow guard hairs on my arms.

I noticed it the other day while I was driving home from the store, cussing at myself for forgetting half the stuff I went there for in the first place.

Actually, I blame my dogs for my forgetfulness. I spend so much time thinking about canine conjecture; I have a small notepad in my pocket dedicated its capture. Not that I think everything I come up with is worthy of note, but my mind has a crappy recall.

My scribbling often draws befuddled looks from passersby. Not because I’m writing, but because I tend to chuckle like Renfield as I scribble away, guarding my cherished ideas. You never know who might be trying to steal a Pulitzer Prize winning idea for a doggy article from you.

Oh yeah… back to the guard hair on my arms. Their discovery awoke my inner Renfield as I wondered what other doggy affectations I’ve taken on over the years. After some careful introspection, here’s what I came up with.

Staring

My dogs are the ultimate conservators of energy. They figure the best way to get anything they want is to just sit there and stare at you. Eventually you will guess right and in the meantime you get all sorts of other goodies. I have adopted this talent myself as of late, although my wife tells me that most men are born with it.

Bathroom Habits

Dogs are famous for peeing everywhere they go. Many think they are marking their territory but I disagree. The older I get the more I see them as forward thinkers. You never know how far it is to the next fire hydrant, so take advantage of it when and where you can.

Public Grooming

Along with playing “Hump the Newcomer to the Party”, dogs consider this the ultimate parlor trick. This is a behavior that most of us go through as well when we’re very young and then again when we’re very old.

Seize the Nap

Dogs believe they’re born with a finite number of naps in them and they reason it’s better run the risk of using them all up vs. leaving some on the table. I tend to agree.

Scratching

Dogs hold that the next best thing to a good nap is a good scratching… followed by another nap. Who am I to argue? I just go with the flow.

Travel Tips

When my dogs are ready to go somewhere, the adhere to the following maxim:

Make as much noise as you can when you’re ready to go somewhere, it gets everyone else to move faster.

I find it works for me as well.

Going to the Doctors

Doctor visits are something to be feared. They older you get the less they have to say that’s positive and the more places they want to poke you.

The Three Second Rule

Dogs don’t abide by the three second rule when food is dropped on the floor and these days I tend to agree. Not because I’ve relaxed my standards, it’s just that I can’t bend down that fast anymore.

Selective Hearing

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks when they pretend they can’t hear you. But to be honest, I don’t know if this is something we got from them or something they’ve learned from observing couples as they age.

Authors note:

If you enjoyed this post and thought it just a smidge bit funny, I’d like to encourage those of you who haven’t done so to nominate us for the 2011 Pettie for Funniest Blog or Blogger and maybe even Best Dog Blog! For information about how to do that, please follow this link.

Cheers and thanks for reading,

Kevin

6 thoughts on “I’m turning into my Dog

  1. I know from experience, it’s not that it takes you longer to bend over. It’s the fact you and I are getting taller as we age, therefore it takes a lot longer to get down or stand up.

  2. LOL I think I’m turning into a dog too, all I need is better sense of smell and a tail LOL Which would be good, because then I could see our vet instead of bothering with the medical doctors.

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