So You Think You Want a Human? – The Announcement

As Chief Human in Charge (Yes, I know that spells “chic” but let’s not go there!) of blogging operations here at Dog Lover’s Digest, I often spend too much time in my own hyperbolic chamber. After all, I am attempting to speak for a species whose expressions and behaviors are more interpreted than translated. What makes sense to me might be nothing more than cognitive dissonance to my dogs as they sit around looking at me going “Aw isn’t he cute? He’s trying to understand us!”

So… in order to keep the blog fair and balanced, I’ve installed Babel fish speech recognition software allowing my dogs to dictate their own blog posts. The software works remarkably well and is much faster having them type (their dewclaws keep hitting the built in mouse by mistake).

In response to the many books and blog posts out there about adopting dogs, my dogs, Gavin, Elbee, Annie, and Tosha, have decided to publish their own series of posts about us entitled “So you think you want a Human?”. This series will look at issues that dogs think are important when adopting humans. Following is a just a few of the topics that will be discussed.

What type human is right for me?

While breed isn’t important when considering which human is right for you, other considerations are. Things like energy level, personality type, and predilection for outdoor activities are important factors in choosing the right human.

When is it okay to enroll my human in a training class?

More than most any other animal on the planet, humans need to be in the right frame of mind for learning to occur. Humans like to multitask, which can be detrimental to the learning process. This post will discuss how to recognize when humans are most receptive to learning.

Common Human Behavioral Problems

Human beings are a mess. To us dogs, they often seem like a huge quivering mass of contradictory behavioral ticks. Due to the enormous number of human behavioral problems, this post will be broken up into several pieces for better digestion. Some of the issues discussed are…

  • Humans that think your name actually means different things based on the tone of voice they use.
  • Humans that insist on making the “tire leaking air” sound.
  • Humans that hallucinate about their hand being a dog’s mouth.
  • The human aversion to the butt sniffing.
  • Humans addicted to Television and Social Media.
  • The human preoccupation with vacuum cleaners and lint rollers.

Of course we are open to your suggestions as well. We want to make sure we are taking on all issues that are germane to the canine public at large.

The human and canine staff at Dog Lover’s Digest

6 thoughts on “So You Think You Want a Human? – The Announcement

  1. Finally! So many human problem behaviors need discussing. Like humans that raise their voice and yell incomprehrensibly at us. You people aren’t communicating, you are just freakin us out!

    Torii, Australian Shepherd,
    People Trainer Extraordinaire

  2. Oh boy – this should be good. And please don’t tell Buster and Ty about this software – I’m not sure I could stand to know what they’re thinking! 🙂

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