I Hate Fruit!

Sunday found me sweating, grunting, and cussing while removing a pear tree from my back yard. The result from all this is that I need a new tree in my back yard to block nosey neighbors; I have about a half a dozen welts from some pissy wasps and my dogs aren’t speaking to me.

I hate fruit! Well, to be fair, it does liven up dessert time and makes an appearance in some of my favorite libations; but if it’s hanging on a tree in my back yard… it pisses me off.

Fruit thinks it’s all that and a bag of potato chips. It has more groupies than a boy band and all the adoration we heap on it goes to its head.  It just hangs around in the sun wafting its sweet smell into the air attracting things that make you go ouch!

Now if it would just stay on the tree until someone actually picked it for a purpose, I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but nooooo…. Its good friend the wind has to come along and sweet talk it to the ground.

I hate the wind! If it would just blow all the fruit down at one time, I could clean up all at once and be done. But it just knocks enough of the fruit to the ground so that every time I let the dogs out in the yard, I get to practice the phrase “leave it!” ad nauseam.

Apparently, leave it, only applies to each individual morsel of fruit. Even getting stung by the yellow and black beasties is not enough of a deterrent to keep some of my dogs from eating it. A point that emphasizes why I no longer believe in punishment based training.

The fruit still hanging despite the blandishments of the wind still has gravity to deal with. I hate gravity! Not only does it push the fruit to the ground for me to clean up, it tries to keep me in that “Look mom I’m an Elephant!” position that amuses the neighbors so. It reminds me that the older I get, the more I resemble an old piece of fruit. I hate fruit!



One thought on “I Hate Fruit!

  1. Ha ha, Kevin, I feel for you mate, I am digging out an apple tree that has been there forever, I too have suffered countless wasp stings, I hate wasps! Broke my spade, and nearly my back, getting down to the roots of the bl&$$%%y thing, I hate digging! Still, as long as we all love dogs, we can’t be all bad.

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