This song by Tom T Hall lies at the heart of the reason why I haven’t written a post in a while… anger. While this is not a song about anger, all the title characters share a common trait that I am angry with… aging.
It’s funny that I have come to accept the pain associated with my own aging. Even though I am still relatively young, less than a week shy of 49, the abuse I’ve put my body through over the years is paying me back in chronic pain. But that pain is nothing compared to the anger I feel at the toll aging extracts on my loved ones, both canine and human.
Lashing out is a funny and shameful thing. I think for most of us, it’s a natural reaction to things we don’t want to face. It’s also a great way to build up a mind clogging late night snack of guilt.
As I listen to my mom repeat the same things over and over, struggling to come up with the right words, I get angry and frustrated at her. I get angry and frustrated with my dog Gavin as I watch him snap and growl at the other dogs because he is sore and doesn’t want to be disturbed.
To be sure, I reserve a good deal of anger and frustration for myself; knowing my inability to control my frustration only adds to the anxiety and pain of those I love. Only on rare occasions, like the writing of this blog post do I allow myself some respite for being human.
It’s funny to equate anger with love, but there you have it. I wish I could better show my love by always hiding my frustration, but I know that I will slip sometimes and let my frustration show.
If you are like me, I have few words to comfort you other than the fact that you are not alone. There are others like you and me out there who sometimes show love through frustration and anger. After all we’re human.
“That night I dreamed in peaceful sleep of shady summertime, of old dogs and children, and watermelon wine” Tom T Hall
Enjoy your loved ones while you can, whoever, and whatever they are.