I love my dogs but they are crap when it comes to making and keeping New Year’s resolutions. They bark and whine about having to make a list in the first place and insist that we should just love them for who they are. While I agree with their logic, I made a list for them anyway. As I said in a recent post, Achieving your Training Resolutions of the New Year, setting specific and attainable goals is the first step to achieving them. So, I wrote down three specific goals for each of them.
- Double the time it takes you to “eat” your meals from 5 to 10 seconds. This can be accomplished by actually taking a single breath when you eat.
- Halve the amount of time you bark after you’re cued to be quiet. This can be accomplished by using the current breathing technique you use for eating, for barking.
- Slow down your aging process by any means necessary. We have you guys for way too short a time.
- Increase the amount of time you stay in the same room with me after I cuss by at least a second. I cuss religiously, it’s daddy’s way of setting the world straight and has nothing to do with you.
- Increase the amount of impromptu greeting you give me by at least one a week. You know how much I love your little surprise visits.
- Remember that that lump under the blankets on the couch is Elbee, at least try to look a little sorry when you step on him.
- Decrease the amount of poosicles you eat by 100%. I promise to give you anything else you want in their place.
- Try not to hump Elbee in front of company. We aren’t on a reality TV show.
- We don’t really need to know that there’s a kitty approaching our yard at 5AM, we’ve locked the shed up and she can’t steal anything.
- Sniffing us for crumbs after we eat is cute, THE FIRST TIME. After that it gets kind of old. Remember that mommy is the soft touch not me.
- Reduce the histrionics when you know you’re going for a walk. We know you’re excited but you don’t have to do an impression of the Tasmanian Devil for us.
- Tosha sets a bad example when it comes to edible items found in our yard; don’t follow her lead.
If you have lists that you’ve made for your dogs this year we’d love to hear about them. Remember, the Mayan calendar runs out this year and there’s no telling if the Zombies will let us last that long.