Realistic Resolutions for my Dogs

Do I have to make a resolution?

I love my dogs but they are crap when it comes to making and keeping New Year’s resolutions. They bark and whine about having to make a list in the first place and insist that we should just love them for who they are. While I agree with their logic, I made a list for them anyway. As I said in a recent post, Achieving your Training Resolutions of the New Year, setting specific and attainable goals is the first step to achieving them. So, I wrote down three specific goals for each of them.


  1. Double the time it takes you to “eat” your meals from 5 to 10 seconds. This can be accomplished by actually taking a single breath when you eat.
  2. Halve the amount of time you bark after you’re cued to be quiet. This can be accomplished by using the current breathing technique you use for eating, for barking.
  3. Slow down your aging process by any means necessary. We have you guys for way too short a time.


  1. Increase the amount of time you stay in the same room with me after I cuss by at least a second. I cuss religiously, it’s daddy’s way of setting the world straight and has nothing to do with you.
  2. Increase the amount of impromptu greeting you give me by at least one a week. You know how much I love your little surprise visits.
  3. Remember that that lump under the blankets on the couch is Elbee, at least try to look a little sorry when you step on him.


  1. Decrease the amount of poosicles you eat by 100%. I promise to give you anything else you want in their place.
  2. Try not to hump Elbee in front of company. We aren’t on a reality TV show.
  3. We don’t really need to know that there’s a kitty approaching our yard at 5AM, we’ve locked the shed up and she can’t steal anything.


  1. Sniffing us for crumbs after we eat is cute, THE FIRST TIME. After that it gets kind of old. Remember that mommy is the soft touch not me.
  2. Reduce the histrionics when you know you’re going for a walk. We know you’re excited but you don’t have to do an impression of the Tasmanian Devil for us.
  3. Tosha sets a bad example when it comes to edible items found in our yard; don’t follow her lead.

If you have lists that you’ve made for your dogs this year we’d love to hear about them. Remember, the Mayan calendar runs out this year and there’s no telling if the Zombies will let us last that long.


10 thoughts on “Realistic Resolutions for my Dogs

  1. I love #2 for Annie. We call Lilly the “cussing police” around here because she also slinks off after hearing certain words. I usually tell her, “Daddy is just telling a story,” but she doesn’t buy it and believes any grumpy noises we make are related to her. Poor sensitive sweetie.

    • Annie usually cues on the F word. I usually tell her that the stupid man is yelling at the stupid people on TV. She doesn’t seem to buy it! 🙂

  2. Too funny! Our boy and mascot only has one NY resolution….more than that and he’ll likely lose focus 😉 To be a Therapy Dog. We have every confident he’ll get accepted and pass the training so he can start to bring smiles to kids and the elderly. A very good thing!

  3. Inka’s resolution this year is to become a more confident little man, he’s done so well in the five months we’ve had him, I’m sure he’ll do just fine, though he might need a little help 🙂

  4. These are all so perfect! I hope they can keep them, for your sake 🙂 My husband and I got a good chuckle out of #1 for Annie – it’s the same way in our house!

  5. Gracie’s resolution is to do all of her exercises from physical therapy so she can be ready to play FRISBEE!!!! in the spring, complete with The Fancy Jumps. (She’s recovering from surgery in October for a torn ligament). She thinks the underwater treadmill is just *too* weird, but will march along stoically with visions of FRISBEE!!!!s dancing in her head. Good doggie.

  6. Lol I like your comment about the Mayan calender ending and the zombies taking over.

    I’m definitely leaning towards Tosha #1, OMG this is Shadow to the T lol.

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