Alternative Facts For Dog Lovers

Alternative facts (#AlternativeFacts) aren’t just political fodder; following the lead of Counseller to the President Kellyanne Conway and White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, I would like to provide some alternative facts for dog lovers everywhere.Happy cartoon dog wagging tail

  • It is a well-known fact that dogs that fail to pee during bedtime walkies have a nary a drop in their bladder.
  • It is a scientific fact that dog hair is an effective probiotic.
  • Any suggestion that dogs dislike squirrels is false news propagated by the lying media.
  • Dogs are just a repulsed by cow manure as we are.
  • Dogs are stringent observers of the 5-second rule.
  • Bacon is useless in bribing a dog.
  • Dogs are altruistic and never keep count of who got the most treats.
  • Staring at us is an ineffective way for dogs to get our attention.
  • Our amygdala does not register the sound of a puking dog.
  • Having multiple dogs in your house means that they will entertain themselves without any help from you.

In the spirit of the current political climate, these #alternativefacts are as indisputable the Chinese invented climate change hoax. We cannot be held responsible for your belief or non-belief in them.

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