Alternative facts (#AlternativeFacts) aren’t just political fodder; following the lead of Counseller to the President Kellyanne Conway and White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, I would like to provide some alternative facts for dog lovers everywhere.
- It is a well-known fact that dogs that fail to pee during bedtime walkies have a nary a drop in their bladder.
- It is a scientific fact that dog hair is an effective probiotic.
- Any suggestion that dogs dislike squirrels is false news propagated by the lying media.
- Dogs are just a repulsed by cow manure as we are.
- Dogs are stringent observers of the 5-second rule.
- Bacon is useless in bribing a dog.
- Dogs are altruistic and never keep count of who got the most treats.
- Staring at us is an ineffective way for dogs to get our attention.
- Our amygdala does not register the sound of a puking dog.
- Having multiple dogs in your house means that they will entertain themselves without any help from you.
In the spirit of the current political climate, these #alternativefacts are as indisputable the Chinese invented climate change hoax. We cannot be held responsible for your belief or non-belief in them.